So lately, especially since Travis has left, I have felt very criticized and honestly just like a horrible mother. Now, I am sure that I am not a horrible mother, but when you see your children struggle like I have the past two weeks and everything you try doesn't work, then really where does the blame lay.
The girls do have their outburst, not usually in public but it does happen. When it does I am quick to end it. I already bring so much attention to me with having four children. Daily during our outings I get comments like, "Are all those yours?", "Four Girls huh? You must have your hands full.", and "Trying for that boy next?". First, yep those are all mine. I usually don't make a habit of going on errands with someone's four other children. Second, I do have my hands full and why don't you lend me a hand. Finally, no, if I have my handsful, I for sure don't need a boy, or another girl for that matter.
It was brought to my attention this weekend that my kids might need to talk to someone, action was already in motion, but while giving this unwanted or asked for advice, I was made to feel like I was the worst mom. Like what am I doing wrong, why do people see my girls has horrible little beings or avoid us like the plaque. They have their days, they are not bipolar, as suggested by the same person. Yes, it is normal for children to be find one second and not the next. I am pretty sure I know some adults like this too. But at the same time, I can't help but think, "What am I doing wrong?" and "They are good kids, aren't they?".
At the same time while feeling hurt by my friends opinions, I also felt, and still feel, angry. Why is it that people feel the need to give unwanted advice? Did it help me or them? Have you walked in my shoes for a mile? I have struggled with these girls for most of the time that we have lived here in WA. They had three different addresses within three months and a dad that deployed during that same time. I am not making excuses for their behavior, because bad behavior is bad behavior, but I am saying give them a break. And for that matter give me a break too.
I am feeling like one person stretch between four little people that need me in totally different ways. And why do I feel like a horrible mother? I just can't do it. I can't be there for them all the time and I feel extremely guilty. I feel guilty that I can't give them each the attention that they individually need. I feel exhausted and worried by this, by what am I doing to them and how can I help them is a daily worry and question in my mind.
So in the future, if you happen to see a mommy in a store with her four little ones, and she looks like she might pull her hair out, please stop and tell her how beautiful and well behaved her children are. Tell her she must be a wonderful mommy to have them here like this. Even if it isn't the truth, it will make her day.
8 comments:
People will always talk, no matter what you do...good or bad. I say, let em. We do the best we can with what we have, and although I am not in your shoes, I have similar days! You keep doing what you are doing. You have four beautiful daughters, and for that matter, I must say well behaved(from the little time I was around them)...Keep your head held high! Thanks to your hubby for defending our freedom!
I second Cynthia's response. You give your all to those girls and that is all you can do. You are a fabulous Mother! The girls are great and always mindful. Apparently, this person whom opened her mouth and stuck her foot, leg, and butt in doesn't have any children or at least not any "normal" children. Kids will act out here and there and when you have 4 girls there is probably a little extra drama in the mix, but in all the times I have been over it is seldom seen and you always correct the situation quickly. You can't judge someone when you have never walked in their shoes. Keep your head up high and know you are a Beautiful and Fabulous Mamma!
Sorry for such a crappy day but it always sounds and looks like you have it all together!! I truly have wondered how you do it! All the fun stuff you guys do always made me go, wow, her kids must never have outburst! Lol! I am glad to see you guys are "normal". See, normal people think it is normal for kids to sometimes have outburst. Although embarrassing for us Moms. When ever I see a mom looking like she wants to crawl in a hole I usually say to her "we've all been there!". My gal is for sure the drama queen of the house so I can't begin to imagine that, times four. My boys aren't perfect, the little ones are needy and whiny and run from us even when we say "stay right here". They drive me crazy but I love them and prayed my heart out for a full house! I have seen you in action...you are great Mom! People always have assvice to offer welcomed or not. No one is perfect and neither are their kids! There is a reason there is a saying kids will be kids, right!
Thanks so much girls, you are all right.
Heather- You should know my girls and their drama! Then times that by four. I just said to someone the other day. I am getting very comfortable with my blog and I love writing it and having you guys read it, but it is time to get real.
I am glad that I made you feel "normal" whatever that may be. Can you imagine our 8 together!
Jenny - your girls are beautiful and ALL kids are prone to moments. Unwanted advice needs to be shoved to you know where! You are a fantastic mom and should never doubt it! We are all allowed to have our moments with our kids like, "really? They are mine?" but we still love them and they are still good kids. I love reading your blog before o go to bed at night, I'm sure Travis loves it!
Babe, you are an awesome mom and you are doing the very best that you can, which is damn good! Don't worry about what anyone else says, you are the glue that is holding this family together.
I love you.
T
Don't even get me started!!You're a loving mom who does more for her girls than most parents.
Furthermore,the girls are only upset about Travis being deployed because he bonds with them and is an excellent father.You do have your handsful and you are stretched tight with your 4:1 ratio. No matter how your day goes you are doing your personal best and you find amazingly creative ways to keep the girls in touch with Travis. I often look at your pics and see the future value they will have for the girls and you/Travis. Picture Juju running to Travis in his uniform...what that will mean to them when she is an adult is priceless.
In my experience anyone that gives you 'advice' in your situation that includes what you shared has an agenda,They are looking to make themselves look better by judging you.They bring themselves up by putting you down.They need to walk a mile in someone else's shoes.The term for that is an 'emotional vampire'...
It sounds harsh but it is what it is...no one's life is perfect. We all have hard days and meltdowns-adults included.I've had my share and boys have come away with the knowledge that there will be days you fall apart-but you will put it back together with free will,strength,and support from family and friends.Each day is a new one and a new start...
Hugs and kind thoughts for you from VA... :) Renee
Hey Jenn! I cried reading this! Please know that you are a wonderful mother with four wonderful girls! I have admired you and everything you do for your family ever since I first met you and your family when Molly was in my class! All your stories of the places you've gone and the experiences you've planned for the girls makes we wish I was one of the Likes girls! :) I appreciate you and have such admiration and respect for you! You, the girls and Travis are in my prayers!
Sandi Coppedge
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