8 x 30 Project Day 20- Reality Sets In

I don't have any pics for today sorry guys. It has been a little busy and ended with an email in my box that had news I didn't want to hear.

For those of you who didn't know. Travis had the chance to return mid August for a few weeks before he would return to sea for his longer deployment. There were rumors when he left three weeks ago that he might be coming back instead of staying out for the 8 months. Then the longer we waited for the news of the final deployment date, the more hopeful we all got and the possibility of him returning to us was becoming a reality in my mind. Even though I know as a military wife better than to do this, I did.

Tonight word came in from the CO, Commanding Officer, of the boat that the deployment will start immediately after the current exercise and they will not be returning till spring of next year. So the disappointed and sadness was immediate. The loss of hope, almost unbearable. While I am glad that we won't have to say goodbye once again, it is a reality that we won't see Travis again for a long time and the reality of what that will be like leaves unanswered questions in my mind. I feel worried, anxious, scared, and at the same time know that I can be strong, confident, and there for my girls.

Now, I have had a few things said in the past, like today, "You must be used to it.". Please do not get offended by this but, NO I do not get use to this. This is hard, possibly the hardest thing I have ever done.  I have also had a comment on my blog,"...that while it is hard, to please look at the big picture". My reply to this is: It is hard for me to look at the big picture, when my big picture in life is my girls and family. It is my job to make that my number one priority. While I understand that Travis job is necessary and that I am so happy and proud of him and the sacrifices he is willing to make, I have a hard time at the same time dealing with my children, who are being "little heros" here at home. So please excuse me if I take a few seconds to self pity and not look at the big picture. :)

So now it is the time to pick myself up, dust myself off and time to chin up and move on. I am thinking it will be okay, it will be okay, it will be okay.... We can do this, school will start, then holidays, and then before we know it he will be back to us. And so reality sets in....

**Travis we love you more than words. I will miss you and your wonderful hugs and touch. I was so hoping to see and be with you again. The girls and I think of you always. JuJu was asking for you today. She wanted to go pick you up and she misses you so much. I am sad that you will miss so much of her little life, but glad that I am doing this blog for us. I miss you, you are my lifeline and it is missing. I love you with all my heart and will forever will. **